Restore Story: From Pessimism to Hope and Freedom
My Story
The fall impacted how I saw and understood my life and relationships in a pessimistic way. Because I’ve experienced very heavy, intense, and difficult circumstances related to trauma, grief, and a family member’s repeated suicide attempts, this led me to have a dark outlook and perspective in life. The depression and anxiety at one point was so severe that I felt the pain was unbearable and I didn’t know if I wanted to live.
Some common themes in my story were fantasy, loneliness, shame, perfectionism, rejection, discontentment, and codependency. The fall impacted how I related to and experienced God in a negative manner. Because of my circumstances, I did not necessarily doubt that God existed—but I came to believe that though God was real, He did not hear my prayers and therefore, he did not care about me. He was distant.
Reframing How I See All Things
God’s story changes the way I see my story and struggles because of the truth found in His Word. Throughout Scripture, I have read over and over that God hears, sees, and knows the suffering that His people experience. He is near the broken-hearted.
Because I believe that God’s story is real, I am able to find hope and comfort in the midst of my trauma, grief, and brokenness. Although I have struggles, the Lord is healing my past wounds and showing me that I have struggle—but that does not mean there is something wrong with me. I am not “too much.” I am not a burden or something broken that needs to be fixed. I am not my trauma. I am a child of God that is loved and cared for.
God’s story changes the way I see God and His relationship with me, so that I’m starting to believe again in the power of prayer and the power of abiding in Christ through His Word. Even if my circumstances do not change, I can find hope in knowing that God is constant and faithful. He keeps His promises and He does care for me, provides for me, and sustain me.
Restoring My Soul
God has been restoring my soul and body through His Spirit by growing my desire to read the Bible, to practice the weekly spiritual discipline of Sabbath, and the daily spiritual discipline of abiding in Him. I am less angry and hopeless. I am more hopeful as I hold onto His Word and accept the invitations to let Him shepherd me instead of running to other things or people to numb or suppress my pain.
God has used God’s people to help restore my soul by sharing the burdens with one another. I have also found a little bit of freedom and wholeness each time we have met as a group and hearing other’s stories. This reminds me that I’m not alone and that we share the load. We carry one another’s burdens together. We don’t need to hide anymore but rather find healing in confessing our sins to one another.
Specific passages in God’s Word that helped me to know and experience His love were Psalm 27:10 Hebrew 4 (The Great High Priest) John 10 (The Good Shepherd) John 15 (The True Vine)
Living and Loving Differently
How is God calling me to live differently? God is inviting me to an abundant life that isn’t full of distractions or even busyness. I’m tempted to allow a busy schedule to suppress my emotions, avoid my struggles, and live in denial and bondage to perfectionism, resentment, and shame.
But I sense the Lord calling me to let go of the need to win people’s approval or to overwork my mind and body to be successful in the eyes of others. I sense Him inviting me to find freedom from perfectionism and fantasy to truly find contentment and wholeness in Him alone.
How is God calling me to love those in my life differently? God is inviting me to forgive. It’s time to forgive specific people in my life instead of continually blaming them for my pain. It’s time for me to stop believing the lies of the enemy about my identity. It’s time I begin to believe who God says I am instead of allowing my circumstances and struggles to determine my identity.
God is calling me to love my family and pray for them even when the circumstances may seem impossible or hopeless. God is calling me to stop performing, striving, and achieving to earn the love, attention, affirmation, and affection of others, including friends, peers, and family. God is calling me to be myself fully, instead of letting shame hinder me —and He is calling me to share my story with others and to show them the love and hope that I have found in Christ.
-Anonymous
