Grant and Alia’s Restore Story Chap. 1: Hemorrhaging in a Broken World
Grant:
Prior to Gospel Care and Restore my soul was hemorrhaging—living in a broken world had greatly damaged my soul.
I had worked in Palliative care for about 2.5 years. Although not all palliative care is taking care of dying people, the palliative care environment I had worked in was. It was not uncommon to see a couple of deaths each day. The death of an individual of any age is exceedingly difficult to experience, but sometimes we would even get people in their 20’s and 30’s dying from different cancers. Seeing death at such a rapid rate damaged my soul.
But on top of that, to make matters worse, just as Satan came to tempt Jesus when he was weak and hungry, he came to me when I was weakest, adding insult to injury. He whispered in my ear in the same way as he did to the first man and woman, asking me, “You see all this death around you. You know that Jesus came to die for people—but did he really die for you?”
This lie led to destruction in my life. I struggled with doubts and battled with whether I was really a believer and God’s child or not. I was afflicted and tormented. There were also other things that added to my affliction, such as ethical issues I faced often in palliative care as well as the corporate greed of the hospital being primarily a business—you had hardly any space to comfort and be present with people in the hour they need you most.
The effects of this life had damaged my soul. I felt alone, confused, scared, and hopeless. This resulted in isolation in my life. I felt deeply hurt and spent a lot of time alone, thinking that was what I needed most. The combination of all these things led to me not loving others well in my life, especially my wife. I failed to listen well to her, and felt I didn’t have the emotional capacity to care for her. God didn’t seem like the loving father promised in Scripture, but cruel and distant. Alia and I were newly married, and I wondered at times—are we going to make it?
Alia:
Prior to Restore and Gospel Care, life was heavy. I was weary for sure, with trials hitting one after another in a row.
Yet God is faithful and had been meeting me, teaching me even amidst all my hurt. Isaiah 40:29 was my bread,
“He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.”
I felt faint, and like one who has no might--but I was literally getting to be a living testimony and vessel of God’s strength-giving Spirit through this promise. It was painful; yet God sustained me miraculously in his love, as my husband and I sought out some care for life’s toll.
Since engagement and then our wedding, we were afflicted by the enemy in nightmares as we slept. The nightmares were a relentless attack on our union. Grant’s jobs in palliative care for years and then home health nursing compounded our grief and sorrow. We were running on fumes, hemorrhaging in need of care and restoration. I/we didn’t fully understand why God would allow these afflictions and evil persisting for so long.
To be newly married and feel not loved or listened to because my husband was already spent emotionally, physically, spiritually due to his job was devastating. A time where SO MUCH crucial discovery is happening with one another and with others--learning who will be committed to being there for us—it was awful timing to say the least. I found myself struggling with fear, anger, guilt, bitterness, and sorrow toward my husband and in life.
God was holding me and I knew it, yet felt like I was holding on and needed a whole lot of help to break through the clouds (which I’d later learn about…)
Have you ever felt like this? Join us next week to hear how God worked through Restore, and some very specific Scriptures, to answer Grant and Alia in love!
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